Dreads: The Social Experiment.
What I learned from having dreads. If you care at all about
the social theories of a dread head let your curiosity proceed.
It all began on one windy day on a
boat in Canada. Truthfully it began a few days prior to that in a bead shop
with three of my closest friends. While picking out friendship beads to put in
our hair the matter of dreads arose and I responded,
“Hey, yah I should do
dreads.” Then Niki Responds,
“Okay I’ll do it for
you.” She wasn’t kidding. We began this adventure while working at the
Younglife camp in Malibu, Canada. It quickly became a group project with the
help of our friends, including even Bob Goff, but the majority of the dread
entry into the world was done on our departure from camp on the boat named The
Princess, oh the irony. Many people have asked me over the last nine months if
I have at all regretted having dreads. There were several occasions that I “dreaded”
dressing up because dreads brought a different sort of obstacle to looking
fancy, but there was really only one moment I regretted it. That moment was the
night before I left Canada, the dreads were about half way done as I fell
asleep a panic came over me, “WHAT AM I DOING?!” I thought to myself with the
half dreaded mess I was. I considered all that I was giving up: being pretty,
boys flirting with me, control, caring what others thought about me. At that
moment I decided I am no longer trying to be any boys perfect girl, I no longer
want to be controlling. I asked that the Lord would use it to teach me. Teach
me it did.
Back to the moment on the boat when fifteen of my friends
each cut a chunk of their hair off to be dreaded in: yahhhhhh. The Pamoja
Pamoja dread which means together together in Swahili. As we finish the last
dread I was nervous to look at myself, but so excited for this extreme change
my soul had been craving. I look at the crew,
“You look like Donny from Wild Thornberrys!”
It hit me at that moment I had a decision to either get
embarrassed by such a comment or take ownership of it. Lesson one of dreads: To
be confident in who you are no matter what you look like or what other people
think. I responded by making the noise of Donny Thornberry. Joy overcame me as
I learned my first dreadful lesson.
After my mother found out I had dreads and was not pleased,
she consoled herself by remembering she had raised an independent daughter who
enjoyed social experiments. She was correct. Having dreads was the social
experiment of a lifetime. If you interacted with me in the last nine months you
probably didn’t realize you were being observed for data of the curiosity of
how humans react to dreadlocks in different scenarios. You were all very
amusing.
My hometown, Tri Cities, Washington reacted brilliantly, my
friends at home greatly enjoyed this change. Not surprised by my extreme
endeavors and even more intent on being friends with the kid with dreads. I
actually met more people at home than I ever had in that month because dreads are
a social device that allow anyone and everyone to feel allowed to ask you
questions at any time. My mother decided she would no longer go to the grocery
store with me because everyone just stared. To see a normal looking teenage
girl that wasn’t on drugs, but had dreads was quite a paradigm shift for most.
The real intensity of my social experiment really took place when I moved back
to Southern California. One might think dreads would be more acceptable there
because of the diverse culture, but it really just categorized me. Everyone
looked at me with many assumptions. On occasion even my closest friends would
just assume I didn’t care about anything. Dreads bring this persona of an “I
don’t care about anything, just go with the flow,” sort of attitude. Although I
am quite a type B personality I found myself fighting to be taken seriously. I
simultaneously lived in frustration and pleasure due to dreads. While walking
the street once I smiled and nodded to a businessman who actually got off the
sidewalk to walk away from me, two seconds later I walked next to a homeless
man, who stopped to say hello to me. Reaching a new world of people just by my
outer appearance: fascinating.
Assumptions dreads cause: No one ever assumes you are
flirting because dreads are an automatic friend zone ticket. This was
frustrating for me at first because I realized I was giving up boys even
noticing me. Hit my pride a few times, but a lesson I needed to learn. I also
learned that if a boy was talking to me it was a lot more genuine friendship
because he didn’t look at me think to himself, “She’s not a potential,” then move
on to a pretty girl. I met a good amount of genuine people with dreads. The
genuine people were interested in me as a human being and were not just talking
to me for their selfish gain. Many people taught me how to be a genuine friend
to any sort of person through this. Because I no longer was a competitor to be
the most beautiful in the room, not that I was before but you’ve met girls. I
had to depend only on my personality. I began to use dreads in my favor, I
could now talk to anyone on a casual level. Friendship exploded in my world.
People assumed I was interesting. Didn’t matter if I was actually interesting
or not it was a good trick because awkward conversation just went away as
everyone could always revert to asking me about my dreads. Ironically, I met
some of the most interesting people in the last nine months, but my theory is
that the most interesting people are not into how interesting they are. Instead,
they are more curious about the world, creativity and other people. Dreads are
intriguing. Interesting people were drawn to me and I lucked out with some of
the coolest people in the world as my friends thanks to dreads.
Beauty became a much-discussed topic in our mod (my house at
college). The girls I lived with were in my opinion three of the most beautiful
girls on campus and then there was me the scraggigly kid with dreads. My
opinions changed during this time. At the beginning of dreads I had become judgmental
of people who did their hair and make up thinking I was better because I
accomplished getting over needing to do these things. I repented of criticism
and being judgmental. My roommates taught me so much of what beauty looks like
on the inside. Yes many boys think they are beautiful but I don’t even think
these guys realize that the real reason they are so beautiful is because they
are truly beautiful inside and out. Just because I didn’t wear make up or do my
hair I could no longer judge anyone who did, I was not better than them. It was
just different. Beauty is not defined by the outside, but it can be an
expression of the soul. People get so caught up in outer beauty that they never
get deep enough in themselves or in their hunt of the opposite sex to really
satisfy their need for beauty. My new theory is if you are dissatisfied with
your outer beauty you should probably start learning how to beautify your
heart. It is the beauty of your heart that will flow out of you. I also think
it is when you start getting to know people for who they are that you find true
beauty.
Compliments received by me changed from “Your so pretty,” to
“Your so cool.” This is generally speaking, of course, but I have become very
fond of this change because cool is much more a judge of character than solely
an outer appearance only sort of compliment. Not that I am the best at
receiving compliments, but I feel as if people had to go deeper to give me a
compliment. It was more genuine. It meant more to me. There would still be
people here and there that would attempt to give a compliment of my appearance.
I placed them into two categories. There were the people that would tell me I
was pretty because they thought I didn’t think I was pretty and needed to hear
it. Therefore I am not sure if that was genuine but still appreciated. Then
there was the category of people that would compliment my outer appearance, but
then end it in the words, “but seriously.” They wanted to emphasize that they
actually meant it.
Basically this whole experiment forced me to see beauty
through a new lens. Confidence and security are beauty, not if your hair lays
perfect everyday if that works out for you then I say congrats you have
accomplished what most of the girl population has been striving for forever,
but it doesn’t define you.
Other dreadful things to note were I was offered weed
approximately ten times more than before, when my response to people was “I
don’t smoke,” jaws dropped. My existence was an oxymoron for many people. I also met a number of hippies who could not
grasp the fact that I was a Christian and had dreads. That seemed impossible to
them. Welcome to breaking stereotypes 101. There were an array of reactions to
my having dreads and a brain as well. To some it made sense to others it
confused them. Often hippies are the most philosophical people in the world so
my conversations with those types broadened my horizons and thoughts. At one
point during my time in Hawaii with YWAM I got into a philosophical
conversation with a very intelligent teacher. He was taken back by the things I
knew. The dreads often tell the generation before us that we don’t care about
anything so to care about history and knowledge is something. I am not the most brilliant
kid on the block, but I do care about learning. Finding myself breaking
stereotypes even from those older than me, I had to fight to be taken
seriously, but when I was it was always a great conversation.
There is also an unspoken world of dread connection. If I
were to see someone else with dreads anywhere at anytime we could look at each
other and nod. The simple nod spoke volumes of our understanding for one
another’s lives even though we had never met. The way we see life was similar
because of the world’s reactions to us so we knew we were on the same team. I
could be spilling the secrets of this genre of people, but many of you have
probably seen it and never realized. People with dreads just understand each
other. Your missing out, but it is really in any sort of scenario that a
commonality unites people. My theory is that you probably have one sort of
connection with everyone so friendship with anyone is a possibility.
When it comes down to it dreads taught me a lot about the
world. My curiosity for human beings has thickened and why I love people is
revealed more everyday. Having dreads inspired me to be friends with anyone and
break any sort of awkward social barriers with a simple conversation. Even in
the frustrating times I learned so much and I have no regrets. Even when my
grandma told me I shouldn’t do it again. It feels good to break social norms
and prove that things can be different than they are right now.
Now that they are gone I miss them, but cutting them was a
moment of freedom, walking into a season to grow and not be stunted by tangles.
I’m thankful for all I learned and I walk forward with no regrets.
I will always be pleased about that one time I had dreads.