Therefore Possible.

IMPOSSIBLE used to be a nice door to hide behind.

It was as if I was standing with my nose on the door believing because I was so close I could see through it, but the door was solid, I couldn't see through it. I could not even taste it, or smell it. I thought I was in the constant motion of opening that door. I wasn't. Staring solves nothing. Wouldn't it seem that if you looked at a door long enough it would mean you know you are destined for that door. You could spend your whole life with your face on that perfect door and never walk through it. Possible was always waiting on the other side. Sure, a time or two you peaked through the cracks. You knew it existed. Just the fact that there was a door proved you were heading in a direction. Did you take the direction. Do you have a moment of remembering when you turned that handle, because if you don't have that memory you probably haven't had that moment of actually turning. Maybe a moment arrived in your memory, but what happened next? Was it then another forward motion or did you not take a step? or did you turn your back?

Impossible is the door.

You always knew possible was waiting.

Just turn the door handle.

I could talk and talk and talk about what awaits, but if I talk I am not turning. Turning may take a little more focus than most are willing to put in.

Believing you are actually over holding onto impossibility for stability is letting go of the door handle even if the ground looks non-existent. Living in possible is what will take you to where you always belonged. You stared at the door ever since you were young. Those dreams and desires were not just fun and games. Reality of possible could be yours. What is holding you back? What nouns define your door of impossibility standing in the way. Maybe that noun has a title such as boyfriend or girlfriend. Perhaps if you stopped living for the other and you both started living for who God created you to be, you could actually fall in love instead of grasp onto love hoping it won't leave because it is "good enough."

If good enough was love then where is divorce coming from?

Maybe your noun was someone who told you no.

Stop looking for your answers in the security of people.
Start looking where answers are to be found.

That begins with you deciding where answers are to be found.

I can tell you my story and how I got to my belief in God, but you asking Him your own questions will give Him a route to provide you with your own answers directly from Him. He gives pretty straight answers if you ask directly. Of course, I recommend a small dosage of patience. His answers come, trust me, they come even to the specific desperate questions you ask, but His timing may not be what you imagined. Ask expecting, then wait expecting a surprise.

I want possible. I am done with impossible.

Call me the kid with freedom, but what will hold us back any longer?

"With God nothing is impossible."

Alright, You said it, I just opened that door and jumped in. Change my mind in all areas, because opening the door didn't erase my past experience. Surprise still remains my encounter with possibility.

Ask me all the questions you want, I will end most answers with why don't you just ask Him yourself. 

A Birthday Tribute.

Once upon a time in a deep dark sea, where unknown creatures roamed and played, lived a beautiful, Magical Mermaid with long flowing brunette hair and piercing brown eyes. Her thin, tanned body and face embellished with Puerto Rican features was hard to miss. She saw beauty all around her. Her friends were attracted to her because of her crazy personality and ability to be different despite the strict mermaid ways, but many of them were not as determined to change the way things were. She spent her days collecting pearls, seaweed and different nick nacks that she could wear to create a new style each day. The other mermaids would see her in a new style and not understand her desires to find beauty in all things. To her disappointment she was misunderstood by most of the mermaid community. As she attempted to live her life the way she knew she dreamed of in her heart others would become angry and tell her she was doing it wrong. If she woke up too late, she was scolded. If she looked different than the other mermaids, she was scolded. If she requested Strawberry Shortcake instead of just ordinary Vanilla, she was scolded. This decision, of course, did not mean she liked Strawberry Shortcake over vanilla, it always had a special place in her heart, but her heart longed for something more than the same everyday routine. She needed changed. She needed someone, anyone that would allow her to have the desires of her heart and not scold her for having these strange desires.

Reviving joy and hope for her soul a song would appear in her mind. These words and tunes came to her by some magical force. As she would respond by singing them others would be entranced, but not understand the power that this combination of poetic words and deep sounds held. Songs created an escape that allowed her to know of something more that others were not aware of. Her hidden desire that she shared with few was to swim all around the ocean, even to parts she had never seen and collect small fish. Not just one kind of fish, but all sorts of different colors and types. She wanted there to be so many eclectic fish that she could lose track of the number. Then after collecting many fish to help her she longed to teach them these magical songs, add some nice harmonies and continue traveling sharing these life-giving sounds as they went. She wanted the whole ocean to get to have what she got the opportunity to encounter in her own mind on a daily basis-- hope.

Sitting in the same routine would not make these dreams a reality.

The time had come. Coping with ordinary had gotten to her and she knew change was in her future. As she awake one day, after having a prophetic dream of such awaited life changing seas, she knew, she was meant for something more than ordinary.

Alone she swam to an unknown seas leaving behind those she loved, but knowing what would lie ahead would speak to her soul.

She swam, and swam and swam and swam. After she swam quite a lot she recognized a light ahead. The recognition that she felt almost made her feel that she had been to this light before. She was from the deep dark sea, but she knew she had seen many glimpses of this familiar light all throughout her life. Then it hit her the feeling she gets when she is given a magical song is the same feeling she was getting as she swam closer and closer to this light. Something inside her soul almost felt as if it was burning as she flipped her fin as fast as she possibly could to get closer to that light.

As she swam into the lights force field she was told that she had entered the deep, light sea. A place that many had hoped existed, but few actually took the time to find. Upon entering it she realized the light was surrounding her on every side. Within the light she met many characters that would also influence her life. She met clown fish, crabs, starfish, sea turtles, most importantly she met a very friendly, manic Octopus that would stick with her a good portion of her time in this specific light area.
This Octopus longed for adventure and The Magical Mermaid would experience many new sights with this dear friend. They didn't even know the future events awaiting their friendship when they met over a meal of sushi with many others that would change her life.

As she enjoyed her time in the deep, light sea she would realize each day that the more time in the light the more it creeped into her pushing everything that was dark out. She played with friends, sang songs and soon she realized these fish friends loved her songs. These fish friends loved her obscure need to have a different style every couple days. These friends had much light in them too and they loved the light that was coming out of her.

Time proceeded quickly as they all grew to understand and love the light more. Many who were here at this time were not only loving the light more, but also receiving super powers from the light that was making its home inside of them. The Magical Mermaid not only had this amazing gift to write and sing songs, but she discovered that she had many other gifts as well. She also had the ability to convert time into whatever she believed it should be. She would take thirty minutes and cram it into five minutes of normal time. She could pause time. She could stretch it or shorten it depending on what she needed. Others would watch her and not understand how time was always working out for her because they did not understand the gift that she could trust time to always be on her side.

One night as she was remembering her beloved mermaid friends at home, while she laid near a fountain in the center of deep, light sea she longed to connect with this light that she could now see everywhere and even feel within herself. The sea clouds then suddenly parted and a giant, white whale swam toward her side. Gasping in astonishment, because she knew there had always been a whale shaped hole in her heart, she jumped up and hugged the whale. As she hugged him she realized she knew him and had known him for a long time. The whale then explained that He is with her and he is the son of this giant light that is teaching all of us. If he is swimming visibly next to her or just felt in her heart he is with her. He explains that life is big and love is big so loving life in whale size will change the Ocean.

Her desire to change the Ocean became relentless after her encounter with this whale of large loving proportions.

The time came to make her dreams happen.

After spending much time in the deep, light sea she knew she was ready to leave and do something in this big ocean. After parting with all her amazing new fish friends, especially the octopus who had cut its legs to learn more about life and what the light had for her, she set out. As she left the deep, light sea she was nervous she wouldn't see the light as brightly within herself.

As she swam slowly out she was amazed to see that the whale sized whole in her heart was full and overflowing and the light was getting brighter from within her as she swam. Not only was the light within her getting brighter as she passed other fish and smiled or said "Hello," they would catch some light and start to glow themselves.

She returned to her beloved family in the deep dark ocean, within days she saw light sparking up in them. Even at times she saw the giant whale paying each of them a visit.

She knew her dreams were real and that what she had always longed for would change the sea. She began to search for those fish that she would swim around the ocean singing and sparking light everywhere they went. This Magical Mermaid contains a light that will make the whole Ocean shine.

This Mermaid's name is Victoria Ruperto and the World can't handle the light she will bring.

Happy birthday Tory LOVE YOU!

Alaska.

I once believed that I knew how to enjoy life.

Then I worked at Leader Creek Fisheries in Naknek, Alaska for twenty-six days.

I don’t think one can really know how to enjoy life until they learn how to enjoy it in hell.

All right, hell may be a bit dramatic, but the reality is moments I experienced in Alaska were some of the toughest I will probably ever face. To fight with one’s self in thought is enough to drive one to complete insanity.  To be at your weakest point and find a good enough reason to be convinced to keep going is a stage few stand on and fewer choose to stand on.

As I entered Alaska for the first time with two of my best friends Zach Mcmahon and Sarah Klapp, we had no idea the experience awaiting us. All coming in as very positive people we were under extreme curiosity to watch one another break.

As we hoped for the best we couldn’t escape the breaking.

I managed to stay positive for a decent amount of time. As I was thankful each step of the way, Sarah and I got the same shift, working 8pm to noon every day. Zach, Sarah and I all worked in the same department, VacPac, which was the warmest, had the best supervisors and involved the most social interaction. Our basic task for sixteen hours a day was to move fillets from a conveyer belt to a machine that would vacuum pack the salmon and send them on their way.

Due to being the second flight to arrive we even had a day before working to make friends, explore “the town” and have a bonfire.  The town in all its brilliance consisted of three bars, two churches, one over priced grocery store, several signs for a non-existent museum, and D&Ds, the life saving restaurant. Other than the roaming town dogs and the stationary car with horns there wasn’t much to speak of. I also caught on that it was a common theme to run out of things in Alaska, this sort of thing would never fly in California, but in Alaska one becomes used to not having necessities until they are flown in again. I connected with this factor.

We began work quickly realizing fast that the salmon alone determined our fate. If the salmon were swimming we had jobs, if the salmon decided to take a different route then we were out of luck and money. The prospects of a good season seemed well on their way as we began working sixteen-hour shifts within days. We worked a little over two weeks of sixteen-hour shifts straight. Yes, that is as insane as it sounds. There was “mornings” that Sarah and I didn’t think we were going to make it out of bed. Then I would give us a pep talk roll out of bed and wobble, hunched over on my swollen, numb feet to turn on the light, desiring motivation. Routine became our existence. Wearing the same clothes everyday, layers to stay warm and the same brown flannel outer layer to keep all my other clothes from reeking of salmon just as badly.  If we went off routine we lost hours of needed sleep. Even the desperate need for showers become less of a priority in comparison to food and sleep. We quickly adapted to shoveling food into our mouths that thirty minute lunch breaks began to feel like an eternity. The basketball game metaphor became a common means of communication. While having four four-hour shifts with breaks in between we would motivate one another by shouting what quarter we were on. It always helped. The idea of being in the game together brought us together. Friendship is what kept us all alive.

What surprised me most were the people I got to spend the last twenty-six days with. Going into Alaska all I had heard was, “There are going to be a lot of foreigners and convicts,” so when everyone in sight was an average looking college student my amusement peaked. The whole thing just turned into some obscure social experiment. In the area that I worked there were twenty-two college students from all over. Varying in many different ways, but all similar because they had the common desire to make some money through experiencing a fishery in Alaska. Or as Alivia Norwood put it, “This is an experience to pay for more experiences.” Observing all interactions as a social experiment definitely kept me positive most days. To observe the happy Mormon girl talk to the stylish gay kid about their respective lives I realized this place was actually a very safe place to learn about people that are drastically different from you. It also sometimes felt like a series of first dates. It was a rare occasion to be on common ground with so many different human beings. We were all the same, we were all at our ugly, worst, and most sleep deprived state, but we had to keep talking to one another or we would go insane. It showed people they can be liked for who they are. They couldn’t cling to what they look like or the activities that they usually hid behind. All we had for sixteen hours a day was salmon and thoughts to discuss. It was a beautiful thing to see college students conversing without a beer in hand and beginning to really care about one another purely from personality and story. When we finally all had time off together we were shocked to see one another without hairnets. It was so strange to see people in their normal because our normal had become hairnets, blue raingear suits, yellow sleeves and safety goggles.

I know every thing so far seems pretty peachy keen, but I am warning you there were moments I was ready to throw in the towel. There was one specific moment, when I hit the point of what I thought was no return. It happened after spending eight hours on the Soul Sucking Machine.  Can’t you hear the horror flick music now?  On occasion there would not be enough work in VacPac and they would send our whole crew down to fish house or as we like to refer to it, The Underworld. After hearing the horrid words projected from Justin, the fish house supervisor that in my opinion has a tendency to take his job way too seriously, “VACPAC PUT ON FULL RAIN GEAR AND REPORT TO FISH HOUSE.” Just the memory makes me shutter. Every time I got placed on The Soul Sucker, naturally I named it that after I saw the third person lose it to tears. All you do for hours upon hours is use a small vacuum device and suck out the left over guts and blood from inside the salmon as they pass by on a conveyer belt of sorts. It is too loud to hear anyone so as you do this cruel inside sucking job you are left alone in your head. You then must proceed to proactively find positive things to think about that distract you from the terrible deed you are performing and the cold that is creeping its way into the very core of your being.

One day, I could handle it no longer. I knew I was going to lose it. They switched me out for the lunch break after eight hours of soul sucking and I swiftly ran to the cafeteria in desperate need of the comfort of a friend, but to my dismay as I entered there were no spots left at the table I usually sat at. I held myself together as I took a spot close by near some guys I had met, but didn’t know too well. One name Riley, who attends western, the one I kept expecting to be a bro, but he is actually one of the funniest humans I have encountered. There was Matt, who I knew mostly because his roommate spent most of his time in our room for Mango Time, which is the time right before sleep when we eat dried mangos and talk about how insane this whole place is. Then there was Lars a big wrestler guy from Utah, who looked thirty-seven, but was actually only twenty, he struggled often due to having too big of calves for the Xtratuffs many looked at him and prejudged him assuming he was rough and rowdy, when in reality he was a creative writer with a soft heart. As I took my place next to them I tried to only nod to their questions knowing tears were on the verge of my eyes. Then Sarah walked by and thanks to her best friend-like instinct knew there was something wrong immediately. She stopped and said, “Oh, no what’s wrong?” At that moment I was done. I lost it. I was embarrassed beyond belief I tried to hide my face, but being in the middle of the lunchroom it was nearly impossible. I guess I turned enough toward my table that the guys caught on to the breaking point scenario. In reaction Lars loudly announces that he knows what to do and gives me a fantastically awkward side hug and begins to tell a strange story about his dad and a bullfrog in some unfamiliar accent. After five minutes of this scenario the whole table was laughing and reassuring me that they felt as if they were in hell too.  Even though it took me two more hours of recovery from the cold and frustration in VACPAC when I remembered that moment I was assured that I could do this. I was capable of survival and I wasn’t scared of my own breaking point any longer. At my weakest point I was forced to find what joy really meant. What learning how to enjoy even the most terrible of situations felt like. It made me strong. It made us all strong.

The night we had off and went into town and had ice cream at D&D’s still replays over in my head as one of the best nights of my life. Even in its simplicity I have learned to enjoy everything to its deepest depth. I have learned how to appreciate. I have learned how to thank God for everything. I have seen him give me strength when all I can do is beg him for strength. I have seen him speed the recovery of sickness because without it we would not have survived. The irony of all of this was I felt closer to God while in Alaska more than any other time in my life.

Being taken away from technology, reality and anything but basic needs leaves you with little to hold on to. God is more real when he is the realest thing you have. When you are thankful for a good four-hour conversation you realize thanking something beyond your reality is a little more plausible then it was in the real world. To hear Mormons, atheists, and all others say why they believe what they believe in in a safe conversation over salmon was a beautiful thing. To have the opportunity share why I believe in Jesus at a very level state changed it for me. I am almost surprised that Christians spend so much money to go on mission’s trips when they could just go share their faith at a fishery with tons of people and make money at the same time.  I knew the whole idea of missions trips never settled well with me. I never wish to feel superior to anyone while I share my faith with them. I long to be on the same page, same level just sharing life, sharing stories. I think God shows up in the most basic conversations and prayers. It was a joy to see God love his kids. I am thankful even still for the joy only he could have provided when I was at my most hopeless point.

Not having technology and all our normal comforts we were taught to enjoy the least, to love simple. I believe we all got a lot closer because of it and were all strengthened to realize we can do anything. The word unstoppable has taken on a whole new meaning in my understanding. Each bite of food in reality still tastes better than ever. Every moment that I don’t have to stress about sleeping so I am prepared for my next sixteen-hour shift is real rest for my soul. As simplicity became my friend the rushing of normal became much less attractive. Not that I hate normal now, I just realize I don’t need as much as I used to think I needed. Life can be simple even when the world is rushing on.

I am thankful for the pain and difficulty this time brought because it was an experience I will never forget. It changed my perspective on enjoying life forever. To love each joy life hands to you. To love even in the midst of pain is to find joy in the trial.

Adventure in Today.

No one dreams of living a meaningless life, therefore we are all haunted by the big questions. What am I doing with my life? What am I going to major in? What am I going to be when I grow up? Who am I going to marry? Where am I going to live? What am I going to do this summer? Where am I going to go to college? Even to the point of what sort adventure am I going to have this weekend? Basically we are all wondering how we are going to impact the world. Leave a mark. Do something that will matter. No one wants to be forgotten.

Asking these questions is good because it shows we don’t want to be just ordinary, but that we long to be the most extraordinary version of ourselves. The tipping point in this dreaming state is being too consumed by the big questions that we become numb to the small questions. We forget the significance in the small adventures, the day-to-day life impacting experiences.

As I near the end of this five month life changing experience with Youth with a Mission I am beginning to hear the questions: What did you learn?

When I look at the experience as a whole I realize I lived one crazy adventure the last few months and I am leaving more of who I was always meant to be than I ever thought imaginable. Reality is adventure changes our lives. Every big adventure impacts us, but as I began to think more specifically, what have I learned while being on outreach in Los Angeles? When I think adventure I think South Africa or Nepal not LA, the place I have lived for several years now.

I was frustrated that the Lord said LA because it sounded like a mediocre adventure not a great adventure. I felt this way because I had outgrown enjoying small adventures. Growing up is so good, but there must be a reason the Bible says to have faith like a child. A child lives for days outdoors creating games of pirate ship on their everyday played on playset. Same playset, but new day, different adventure.

If I have learned anything from doing an outreach in LA it is that every ordinary day is just waiting to be taken as an adventure. Like, that casual Tuesday that Tory and I decided to take a bathroom break at Starbucks and ran into two hippie kids, within hours we all became best friends while simultaneously getting life lessons from the Famous Armenian comedian Playboy Jack that was sitting like a mobster outside of Starbucks with his friends. He loved Jesus because twelve years ago Jesus showed up in his bedroom and he hasn’t touched drugs since. After a lifetime of drug addiction this change was significant. After offering to buy us coffee he told us his story and influenced ours. He exclaimed that he now, “Dances with fear.” Just hearing him say the number twelve struck the childlike cord in me, earlier that morning the Lord had casually highlighted the number twelve while I was reading through his word. It was simple, it was childlike to notice, but it made the whole situation more fun even if it was only more fun for me.

Adventure even to the simplest point only fror one’s own amusement can change a person’s outlook on life if they let it. As I ran this morning I ran up Hill to New York, passing Michigan I ran right into a Lake until I ran smack into Elizabeth who was helping with the casual Nissan Commercial then I proceeded home by running around down Hill to get some Rite Aid to turn home. If you didn’t catch on those were street names that I ran on this morning. So simple, but yet so enjoyable for my own laughter. The Nissan Commercial was happening just down the street from where we live I guess that adds adventure from the perk of living in LA County.

Fear is stripped away when we begin to take notice of the simple joys. Yes, of course, I still ask the big questions. I desire to live in the tension of dreamer and living in the moment. I believe this desire is accomplishable. Noticing each moment’s coincidence could decide your next big adventure. God speaks constantly, if we start listening we learn a lot about our own lives. I wouldn’t be going to Alaska if it were not for this idea. As I felt like I should actually apply for the Alaska fishery job this summer I took it straight to the Lord. Unsure of what he was saying I began to request specific signs to know this is actually where he is leading me deciding that I will be pleased with either outcome. Often this is called casting a fleece. Within three days I had at least five random signs that spoke that Alaska was the next big adventure. It was simple things from people who had no idea what I had been praying about that brought the words that would determine my summer adventure. It was as random as someone asking me if I was from Alaska, to the T-shirt I found for free at a thrift shop saying Alaska without me realizing it until Violet pointed it out, to our speaker being from Alaska.

Many often claim they can’t hear Gods voice, but what if that is because they are looking for the big signs when the small signs are just passing by left and right?

It doesn’t mean going out and seeking the best adventure of every moment, but enjoying the things that come your way when you are living an ordinary day. It is appreciating the conversation that began with a stranger complimenting your overalls that you decided to wear that day. Take simple steps and listen close. Childlikeness is key to enjoying and finding the big adventures for your life. 

Faith in Mexico.

Those moments that rip your heart apart when you least expect it are the ones that change your course forever. I never imagined a three-day faith journey in Mexico would impact me this way.

Dropped off in Rosarito, Mexico with four others, no plans, few objectives, little money and no place to stay. We set out on a quest to see what would happen if we trusted the Lord completely. Faith is not always what you expect it to be, I think that may be the point of faith. From the moment we stepped out of the YWAM van at the bus stop until the moment our leaders pulled up to the curb at Wal-Mart three days later as we sipped our last Mexican cokes God showed up and answered our faith in surprising ways.

Once again my story begins with an obscure story of a squirrel. Several days before we set out on this excursion I was asking the Lord what I should write about and I felt as if He was leading me to write about the time I got bit by a squirrel in Canada, the squirrels name was Esteban, this will be significant. Moments after this conversation with the Lord a man came to talk to us about faith journeys before we embarked on ours completely directionless. He told many stories, but ended with a story of him and his friend showing up in San Francisco with no money, no food and no place to stay. As they arrive a man walks up to them, which hadn’t happened much in their sixth month faith journey and offers them all three things food, housing and essentials. Turns out the man’s friend, who is a pastor for the homeless community there had a dream the night before that two squirrels had come to help him. Basically these two guys were the squirrels God had told him about. I chuckled at the fact that the Lord was talking to me about Squirrels.

It didn’t seem too significant until Mariah, Payton, Meaghan, Zachariah and I miraculously made it onto a bus headed to Ensenada due to our little knowledge of Spanish. We had been praying for days that the Lord would send someone who was bilingual and would want to hang out with us. Our charades with people just wouldn’t quite cut it. Although charades managed to come in handy as we prayed for our first injury, a man with crutches. We managed to pray and understand him as he said he was a Christian that believed in miracles. This exchange was quick as we were jumping into the cab that took us to the bus station. Anyway, we needed God to come through or else we were going to look like fools. As we enter the bus a guy behind us responds in English to our question in attempted Spanish. His name… Esteban. DING DING DING. My forewarned about squirrel had just showed up. Not only did he speak English and Spanish he also had nothing to do the rest of the day. So Esteban joined us on our adventures. Within hours of arriving in Ensenada with little plans we managed to get free nonalcoholic margaritas, pray for several amazing people, touch a horse, adopt Jorge the dog, get asked for a kiss by a drunk man, a situation Esteban helped us out of, and finally make it all the way to the YWAM base on the ocean across town. When the time that evening arrived that we had to part with Esteban tears were shed. Our stories now forever intertwined changed our courses.

Even upon entering Mexico my heart felt at home. The dirty chaos makes sense to me. They were not planning to let us stay at the YWAM base but once again through a divine series of events some girls had switched their rooms around the day prior and had space for all of us. It almost seemed too natural the way that God provided food and housing within hours.

I fell in love. I fell in love with the people at the base. Their stories moved me. How God had brought them from all over the world to Ensenada, Mexico was the most beautiful story. I also fell in love with a world much different than my own. We had the opportunity to spend some hours at an orphanage way out of town in a dirty shack filled area in the mountains. To see joy in the smiles of kids living in a hopeless place makes you forget cell phones and social circles exist. There is also this beauty in not understanding each other that counteracts awkwardness amongst friends. Because we are already aware that we do not understand each other the attempt at conversation is so awkward that we can find comfort and understanding in both not understanding the other.

It is a bit ironic, but it actually makes sense. We also don’t have cell phones to hide behind like we often do in America. Poke.  This awkwardness amongst one another in our American society is something we have created ourselves and encouraged by playing into it. I love that you have five thousand friends that want to talk to you right now, but what happened to being present where you are? What has happened to loving those in your path? I wish I lived in a time that when you ran into a friend and it was the best moment because you missed them not awkward because you know you haven’t returned their text all week. Technology has seemed to enhance our friendships, but often times in reality it is just lessening the depth of them. This rant is rant for another time. Being in Mexico reminded me that I am not okay with just acting like society in America because it is what society calls for. I do not need to fit in. My heart found home amongst poverty because to have little is to have faith. To have faith in a place that seems hopeless is a true belief in God. I say I believe in God, but what if my friends didn’t have a way to call me would I still trust him if I felt alone. We are not alone. God is closer than anything. We can trust him with everything. He will provide. These are just a few of the moments we had in Mexico and the reality is I am mind blown that I didn’t sleep on the streets because God managed to work things out. Sure, I could say it is coincidence, but I know where I am putting my faith. It is not in human reason or intuition. These things which are given to us by God, intuition and reason, without him can not stand. God’s revelation is where I now draw from. He is my well. He is in my heart. As He binds our hearts together more and more each day my heart breaks for the world that yearns for more. You know you’re not satisfied without Him.

Leaving Mexico tears were prevalent, first because I was frustrated that I was on a two-month mission trip in America, then because I now know my life will never be the same that it once was. He has moved me in a way that I couldn’t turn from. He revealed to me that although it would have been the quenching of my thirst to help people if I had been in India, it wouldn’t have given him time to move my heart for my friends, family, fellow college students, Hollywood and now the nations.

Mexico proved to me that it is in the dirt I belong. My need for little and my desire for faith has shown me that my life is better in His hands.

As we bused back to Roserito in an end to our trip we had lots of toys left that we had not given away yet. I kept praying that the Lord would somehow bring us kids before we had to meet our team. With an hour left we arrive at Wal-Mart to see a bunch of blow up toys. We asked for kids and God sent us to a bounce house for less than we had thanks to the generosity of the vendors. We played our little hearts out as we befriended some great kids to give our toys to.

I can’t always expect how the Lord is going to show up, but now I see that I can always have faith that He will when I ask. I ask for my life to be one giant faith journey. For this I am ready.    

The Squirrel Story.

I often will return to the moments of significance in my own life and realize it meant more than a mere moment of comedy. I’ll explain, I take us back to the time I spent in Canada. My days consisted of working in the kitchen for about nine hours and doing behind the scenes stuff for the campers at night. Basically I was pretty nameless and faceless learning to serve others while running after the Lord with all of my being. While residing in Canada I was taken from my ordinary life due to no cell reception or wifi. It was brilliant. My soul needed to be reunited with its maker in a forest in Canada with no contact with the outside world. One day I woke up, congregated with Kathleen who also never attended breakfast thanks to our afternoon shift in the kitchen. We read Jesus calling, talked, drank coffee and walked into the kitchen not a minute too early or too late. The day seemed ordinary, until the moment Scott the work crew kid walked in and changed my camp fame for life. Before I inform you of his destiny changing words I must inform you of a camp tradition that had taken place for some time now. Esteban was a squirrel. Esteban loved stealing food from the back room in the kitchen. The kitchen staff had one single objective for the summer: to capture Esteban. Few people had had face to face encounters with him, but they believed a full surrender of the squirrel’s motives were nearing.

Who would have guessed that the casual kid from eastern Washington, who barely did Younglife and is still uncertain of how she landed this job would accidentally be the one to step into this long devised plan and fulfill it.

Back to that causal day two, when you work at camp days are ran by numbers not days of the week, Scott walks in the back door before entering the main part of the kitchen there is a small room that contains a washer, dryer and a few other housekeeping items, it is separated from the main kitchen by a small wall.  As he walks past the small room into the main kitchen I am the first person he runs into. A bit stunned he points into our laundry room saying a squirrel just ran in. In the midst of cutting lettuce I stop what I am doing and casually respond, “Oh, its just Esteban.” Without thinking I proceed to go back to the small room on the other side of the small wall divider. Immediately I spot him. Esteban there on the garbage can. Approaching with little caution I was expecting to just scare him out of the kitchen, but the next series of events are somewhat a blur, but to my closest recollection I will tell them as best as I can. I near the garbage can that resides in the back corner, Esteban is sitting on the lid I reach out to swat him, but instead manage to capture him with my hand! Shocked I look down at a rabid squirrel that is equally as shocked to be in my hand. Squirming like a madman, he finally positions himself and takes a nice chomp on my hand. As the pain and realization that Esteban just bit me moves from my finger to my mind I involuntarily react by throwing him at the wall that is shared with the main kitchen. Caught up in my own world of confusion I barely hear the screams from the other side of the kitchen reacting to the squirrel that was just flung through the air and hit the wall.

In a swirl I enter into the kitchen to see Carly my intern screaming and freaking out. As I attempt to wash my bloody hand she rushes me to the Nurse, who said that she has never seen a scenario like this before. I then had to call my mother on an emergency phone to ask if I had had my tetanus shot. I had. I was not going to turn into a rabid squirrel.

Long story short I was famous around camp within minutes. I went from a nameless faceless kitchen slave to that kid that got bit by a squirrel. From this scenario even in all its obscurity I learned to not seek fame for one’s self, but if you are to become famous a squirrel will probably come into where you are and find you. Or God. As I live obediently and pursue Him daily I can trust that the big things will come into play if I am walking out what He is saying to me. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interest of others,” Philippians 2:3-4. To be serving others is the best place to be. I don’t think we need to be afraid to ask God for the big things, but don’t be discouraged if all you can see is dishes in the backroom. God knows you. Love Him, love others. Trust Him with everything and serve others when your squirrel of fame arrives you’ll know, be patient and obedient every step of the way.

The best part of all of this was when I returned home and told my father about the whole ordeal, his response, “That happened to me once!”

I am my Father’s daughter.